What is resiliency and why is it important?

Resiliency (also called resilience) is the capacity to respond to pressures and tragedies quickly, adaptively, and effectively. It's the ability to adapt your coping to specific challenges, allowing you to find your footing when thrown off balance by the unknown, stress, or trauma. Responding flexibly can carry you through the ups and downs of daily life. While we have innate brain capacities for coping, resilience develops through practice and can be strengthened over time.

What are the 5 ways to increase resilience?

The five methods are: (1) Connect with friends who care about you; social support is crucial for resilience, (2) Practice self-compassion—be kind to yourself during difficult times, (3) Exercise regularly; physical activity builds mental resilience, (4) Savor positive moments; deliberately notice and appreciate good experiences, and (5) Do one scary or new thing each day. Stepping outside your comfort zone builds adaptive capacity and confidence.

How does trying new things increase resilience?

Doing one scary or new thing daily builds resilience by expanding your comfort zone and teaching your brain to adapt to novelty and uncertainty. The key is finding the gift in your mistakes; our brains learn as much from mistakes as from regular learning. Share your mistakes with trusted friends in a growth-focused way: "This is what happened. This is what I did. This is what I'm learning. This is how I will be resilient going forward."

Why is self-compassion important for building resilience?

Self-compassion helps you respond to difficulties without harsh self-judgment, which depletes emotional resources. When you treat yourself with kindness during setbacks, the same way you'd treat a good friend, you maintain the emotional energy needed to problem-solve and adapt. Self-compassion isn't self-indulgence; it's a foundation for sustainable resilience and wellbeing.

How does social connection increase resilience?

Connecting with friends who care about you provides emotional support, perspective, and practical help during difficult times. Social bonds activate neurobiological systems that help regulate stress responses. Having people to share both struggles and growth experiences with builds resilience because you're not facing challenges alone. This is why sharing mistakes with trusted friends (in a learning-focused way) is recommended.

What role does exercise play in building resilience?

Regular exercise builds resilience by: reducing stress hormones, releasing endorphins that improve mood, providing a sense of mastery and accomplishment, improving sleep quality (which supports emotional regulation), and literally changing brain structure in ways that enhance stress tolerance. Physical movement helps process emotional experiences stored in the body.

How do I savor positive moments to increase resilience?

Savoring means deliberately noticing and appreciating positive experiences rather than rushing past them. Pause during good moments, notice the details with all your senses, share the experience with others, and reflect on what made it meaningful. This practice builds positive emotional reserves that buffer against stress. Even small moments, a good cup of coffee, sunshine, a kind interaction, count when you truly savor them.

Can I use these techniques with my clients?

Yes! These five resilience-building methods are excellent to share with clients. The infographic provides a visual tool you can use in sessions. Help clients identify which techniques might work best for their situation, start with small steps, and track progress. The practice of sharing mistakes with trusted others (in a growth-focused format) can be particularly powerful in therapy and support groups.

How long does it take to increase resilience?

Resilience develops gradually through consistent practice. You may notice small improvements within weeks, feeling slightly better able to handle daily stressors, but deeper resilience builds over months and years. The key is making these practices habits rather than one-time efforts. Start with one technique, practice it regularly, then add others as the first becomes routine.

What's the connection between mistakes and resilience?

Our brains learn as much from mistakes as from regular learning. Mistakes provide valuable information about what doesn't work and what to try differently. The resilient approach is finding the gift in mistakes, the learning, growth, or insight they provide. Sharing mistakes with trusted friends (focusing on what you're learning and how you'll move forward) builds both resilience and compassion while normalizing the human experience of making errors.

Is there a difference between resiliency and resilience?

"Resiliency" and "resilience" are generally used interchangeably, though "resilience" is more commonly used in psychological literature and research. Both refer to the same concept, the capacity to bounce back from adversity and adapt effectively to challenges. The techniques for building either are identical.

What other practices support resilience beyond these 5 methods?

Additional resilience-building practices include: meditation and mindfulness (developing calm awareness), developing a growth mindset (viewing challenges as opportunities), maintaining healthy sleep habits, eating nutritiously, limiting alcohol and substances, cultivating gratitude, engaging in meaningful work or activities, maintaining routines during stress, and seeking professional support when needed. As one commenter noted, mindfulness meditation helps you become "a calm, compassionate and adaptable Mindful Leader."

How to increase resilience

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Resilience is a critical skill for us all, and learning how to increase resilience can transform how you and your clients handle life’s challenges.

As per Linda Graham, MFT, resilience refers to “the capacity to respond to pressures and tragedies quickly, adaptively and effectively.”

Furthermore, “being able to adapt our coping to a specific challenge is the skill that allows us to find our footing when we’re thrown off balance by the unknown, by stress, or by trauma. Responding flexibly can carry us through the ups and downs of our days.”

Linda Graham, MFT

Quick Answer: How to Increase Resilience

Resilience is “the capacity to respond to pressures and tragedies quickly, adaptively and effectively” (Linda Graham, MFT). It’s the skill that allows you to adapt your coping to specific challenges and find your footing when thrown off balance by stress or trauma.

5 Neuroscience-Based Methods to Build Resilience

1. Practice Mindfulness

Spend 5-10 minutes daily in quiet reflection or meditation. This strengthens your brain’s ability to regulate emotions and respond flexibly to challenges.

2. Connect with Supportive People

Reach out to trusted friends or family. Social connection is one of the most powerful resilience factors – our brains are wired to heal through relationship.

3. Exercise Regularly

Physical movement rewires your brain for resilience. Even 20-30 minutes of moderate exercise boosts your capacity to handle stress.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a good friend. Self-criticism depletes resilience; self-compassion builds it.

5. Do One New or Scary Thing Daily

Step outside your comfort zone regularly. Your brain learns resilience through experience – including learning from mistakes.

Learning from Mistakes Builds Resilience

Your brain learns as much from mistakes as it does from successes. To build resilience through this practice:

Share your mistakes with trusted friends
Frame them as learning experiences: “This is what happened… This is what I did… This is what I’m learning… This is how I’ll be resilient going forward”
Continue sharing your growing experiences with your support network

The Neuroscience: While we have innate brain capacities that allow us to cope with disasters and disappointments, resilience develops through practice. These methods rewire your brain for greater flexibility and adaptability.

Based on Linda Graham, MFT’s neuroscience research from “Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being”

While we have innate capacities in our brain that allow us to cope with life’s disasters, disappointments with flexibility and adaptability, resilience develops in many different ways.

To find out how we (and our clients) may boost our resilience, I listened to Linda Graham ‘s informative workshop at the 2013 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium.

How to Increase Resilience – 5 Practical Methods

Below is an infographic illustrating 5 different methods that you and your clients may use to increase resilience and improve your ability to cope with change, as well as difficult/painful situations.

With regards to the last suggestion of doing one scary/new thing a day, it is suggested that we try to find the gift in our mistakes. Linda explains that our brains learn as much from our mistakes as they do from regular learning.

To increase resilience through this practice [and build compassion], she recommends that we share our mistakes with a trusted group of friends and do so in a way that illustrates our growth and learning.

For example: “This is what happened. [xxxx] This is what I did. [xxxx] This is what I’m learning. [xxxx] This is how I will be resilient going forward. [xxxx] And I will continue to share my growing experiences with you, my good friends…”

What are your thoughts about how to increase resilience? Which resilience boosters on the infographic would you consider sharing with your clients and/or incorporating into your routine?

About the author:

Dorlee Michaeli, MBA, LCSW, specializes in EMDR therapy for high-achieving professionals struggling with imposter syndrome. She provides consultation for complex cases involving perfectionism and workplace anxiety. Learn more.

Image: Linda Graham, MFT

References:
Graham, Linda (2013). Bouncing back: Rewiring your brain for maximum resilience and well-being. New World Library. Canada.
Graham, Linda (2013). Building resilience through positive emotions. 2013 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium.

Last updated: December 25, 2025

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Comments

Jackie Yun says

August 29, 2013 at 3:58 pm

Hello Dorlee,

Alain de Botton wrote: “A good half of the art of living is resilience.” I’m thinking perhaps even more!

Your post is a good reminder that resilience is skill that we can cultivate and you outline practical exercises that can be put into practice right away. I will definitely be sharing these.

One other exercise to consider is meditation. Bill George from Harvard Business School wrote: “The best way to become more resilient is to develop oneself into a calm, compassionate and adaptable Mindful Leader.”

Thank you for yet another valuable post!
Jackie

DorleeM says

August 29, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Hi Jackie,

Thank you for sharing Alain de Botton’s quote about resilience. It is most wise…

For some strange reason, when we are in the midst of some storm, we often forget that we are not alone in our experiencing troubles and that “normal” life consists of dealing with disappointments, troubles, illnesses. losses etc

Re meditation, yes – that is an excellent way of increasing one’s ability to deal with stress.

Last but not least, you illustrate some additional ways of dealing with stressful situations in your post How To Get Over Overwhelm http://jackieyun.com/2012/12/21/how-to-get-over-overwhelm/. These may also be helpful in boosting one’s resilience!

Warmly,
Dorlee